truth is...

some days it feels like you can’t get what you want.

truth is that sometimes weeks feel that way. sometimes months, or, in this case, a semester. do not misunderstand me, I’m not complaining that I don’t have a good life—I do. I have everything I need, and most everything I want. I have a family that loves me and counts down the days until I come home again. I have friends that would do outrageous things for me, and love me despite the outrageous things I do. I have money in a bank account, and I do NOT have student loans. yet. I have a job, a grandma with Alzheimer’s who still remembers me, a car, Christmas lights on my bed, and more opportunities than you can shake a stick at. (who on earth coined that one?)

so where does this come from? why do I look at John 14:14 and feel like God is holding out on me? what happened to, “If  you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.”? I’m not going to let myself off of the “crazy” hook so easily as to say that there’s no way I’m the only person who’s ever felt this way. I may be crazy, but I know this can’t be a personal phenomenon.

but really? do you ever look want to throw your head back, and spitefully whisper, “you know, God, if you are so loving, why can’t I have this? if you’re so powerful, why can’t you give me this and make this and that work out perfectly. I’ve already figured out exactly what needs to happen and you can just get on the same page already. that is, if you love me.”?

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (emphasis mine.)

straight from the mouth of the Savior, John 14:15. ironically enough, immediately following the verse that offers us free petition before God and answers to prayer. but the issues doesn’t lie with God, it lies with faulty human understanding. you see, the word for “name” in Greek (which never ever copies into this format for me :)) “ὄνομα”, really means to ask in one’s interest. it’s their way of saying, “hey, if you ask me to do, within the boundaries of what you know I already want to do—I’ll do it!” and that sounds selfish. I mean, if you or I were to say that, then yes it would be selfish and plain wrong. because, let’s be frank: we don’t choose perfect things naturally. God, on the other hand, well, he is not capable of not being perfect. therefore, all that he chooses to do is perfect. in all reality, it’s the most loving thing he could do. he gives us every perfect thing we ask for, from his perspective.

is this all coming together a little? see where I’m headed with this? God loves us, so he only sends us perfect things, not just everything we ask for.we see how GOOD God is when we see that all that he gives us, petitioned for in his name is good, and to this we can't help but respond with love! when someone seems to always have the right words and actions towards you all the time, you can't help but want to tell them you love them! which segues nicely into his very next sentence: if you love me, you will keep my commandments. it’s simple. we don’t run a barter system with our God, telling him that if he does something for us, we’ll return the favor. we see how all that he gives us is good, and so we love him. then out of that love comes our obedience when we can’t quite see his plans as good yet. and trust me, obedience in the in-betweens makes the journey all the more rewarding. it makes the in-betweens as much a time of grace as the times when we clearly see God’s grace at work, because it’s then that we acknowledge its sustaining power. you can’t always get what you want, but it is true, you do get what you need—you get what is best. and this spurs us on to love and obedience while we’re waiting.